Beggining stage

          Beginner beast

I have just completed my first week of beast mode. I watched what I was eating. I included more water in my diet as well as healthy meals and healthy portions.  The heaviest I have ever weighed was 268 pounds. I started my week at 258.4 pounds and currently am 255.8.  I have decided that there in an inner beast hidden in my obese body. A girl who wants to go hiking, a girl who wants to be able to run after kids, and a girl who has been trapped by bad decisions. 

I am one of many who suffer from an eating disorder. Over indulging has been my coping mechanism for as long as I can remember. If I had a ally bad day, the was nothing that a bowl of ice cream and a large pizza couldn't fix. I have been overweight my whole life. I was constantly teased for my weight in elementary school, and grew very self conscious of who I was. I never liked whati saw in the mirror through school.

In 2009 I joined weight watchers. It worked really well, and I went from 223 pound roughly to 188. I swore to myself I would never see 200 again.  But then I put on weight. I could no longer afford the cost of weight watchers, and with my life taking a one eighty I was brought to old habits.  Over the past couple years that number on the scale increased. My self worth decreased, and I found myself in this prison. 

As a member of the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I have found how our addictions take control of our agency (our ability to choose ).  I have pondered this more so recently. Food is my addiction. I have let it control me for far to long, and now I am its prisoner. This past month I have been on a journey to find myself.  Who is Rebecca? What is her purpose? As I have done this I have found a new self worth. I am a daughter of God. I know that I am amgoodmperson and have a lot to offer this world. I love being in nature. And I am beautiful! 

I am slowly replacing negative words with positive ones. I am turning to others when i am having a

Bad day. And instead of using food to cope i am facing my problems head on. 

My journey is not just about a weight loss, but a full transformation of who I am. I am slowley breaking out of this prison, and look forward to continuing my journey of finding myself.